Adolf T Cartman
by jpmm0507
Summary: When Cartman is let down by the story of what happened to his idol, he sets out to finish off what Hitler had started.
1. The Official Badboy

**Hi, first I'd like to say thanks for clicking the link to this fanfiction, I'm determined to make it a good one … Anyway, without further ado, I shall crack on.**

'Die ya stupid Jew! Hehe. DIE!'Cartman and some other boys were playing World War 2 on the school playground.

'Why do we have to play this game?!' moaned Kyle,

'Because, Jewrat, the Holocaust was a very important historical event and Adolf Hitler was a very influential man,' Cartman snapped

'But Cartman, Hitler killed himself and he lost the war!'

'PFFT, NO WAY!' Cartman protested, now growing angry that Kyle, of all people, was insulting his idol.

'No dude, he's right' Stan said after looking it up on his iPhone.

'No...no! You're wrong! You're lying!' Cartman persevered 'I'll ask Mr Garrison, he'll know!'

Later, in History class...

'How the hell would I know?!' Mr Garrison questioned,

'Ha! Did you hear that guys, he didn't say I was wrong!' Cartman laughed

'But Cartman' Stan corrected 'he didn't say you were right!'

'B-But-SCREW YOU GUYS, I'M GOING HOME!' Cartman said in a clear voice as he walked towards the door

'And just where do you think you're going Eric?' Mr Garrison asked, stopping him in time.

Cartman didn't reply, he knew there was no use, so instead he just stumbled back into his seat, as slow as he possibly could, mumbling something under his breath which sounded a little bit like 'F*ck you, ya gay b*stard!' and everyone was in utter shock, despite the fact that this was exactly what you'd expect from Eric T. Cartman

'What was that, Eric?' asked Mr Garrison, who was now furious. Cartman repeated himself, but loud enough, so everyone throughout the whole school could hear.

'DETENTION, AFTERSCHOOL, TONIGHT!' Mr Garrison looked as if he was going to explode. Cartman didn't protest, there was no use, even he knew that; he had tried every trick in the book, but nothing, absolutely nothing could get him out of this one. All he did was made his way up to the front of the class, to receive a little pink slip from his teacher.

Word soon spread around school about the incident, the more it was spoke about, the more attention he received, and the more attention he received, the more he liked it.

For the rest of the day, Cartman was treat almost like royalty, everybody stayed clear of him in the halls, and everybody would be stood in their groups of friends, talking about what happened, even though everyone had heard many versions of it already, and he got to cut in line for lunch, it was almost as is he was the official badboy of the fourth grade. That was, of course until the detention. Cartman walked in timidly, handing his paper slip to Mr Mackey who was sat at the front of the room. Then, he sat at the desk right at the front, so if anything bad happened to him, Mr Mackey would notice it straight away. The reason Cartman was so scared was because he was most certainly not the baddest boy, there was Johnny Jackson, a sixth grader who was always setting things on fire; and Trey Cooper who was notorious for beating kids up. But the worst, by far, was little Suzy Applegate, the little first grade terror who was rumoured to have chopped a teacher's hand off and fed it to her dog.

'Stupid Kyle thinking he knows everything!' Cartman groaned, and then, he hatched a terrible, dastardly idea that was unthinkably prejudice and despicably evil!

**Thanks for reading, if you like it then don't hesitate to PM me or review and hopefully, there will be a new chapter to this soon.**


	2. Lies about pizza

**Hey, to anyone who actually decided to even get to Chapter 2, I would just like to say thanks. I know I published this not too long ago, but I couldn't stop think about it and so, here's Chapter 2…**

It was a peaceful Monday morning in the redneck town of South Park, Colorado. The sky was a beautiful shade of Columbia Blue and the air was, as always, crisp and cold, but that was all about to change.

In South Park elementary, all of the students were sat on the bleachers but they all hated the morning assemblies and thought they were boring, so they much preferred to talk to each other. 'Attention students!' Principal Victoria spoke into the megaphone, 'this morning, we have a lot to discuss,' she sounded excited, even though she said that same thing during every assembly.

'First of all there has been a lot of talk about yesterday's incident with Eric Cartman, however we would like it to come to an immediate stop.' Despite hearing this, Cartman wasn't bothered, but then again he wasn't paying much attention anyway.

'Also, we are still accepting permission slips to our upcoming school trip to Camp Trinidad, a prisoner of war camp used in the Second World War. Upon hearing this, Cartman's ears perked up and he thought of an "ingenious" idea. Suddenly, he pushed through the rows, raced down the steps (embarrassingly tripping up) and snatched the megaphone from Principal Victoria.

Just as Cartman was about to speak, he noticed some girls talking on the back row, and to try and shut them up he yells 'HEYYYY! SHUT UP!' Cartman wasn't sure on how to phrase this, but he could see Mr Mackey getting ready to stop him and all of a sudden he yelped out 'I, Eric Cartman will be starting my very own holocaust!' all of the children looked around in confusion, many of them not knowing what the holocaust was.

'That's so STUPID!' a random 6th grader screamed

'Shut up Scott Tenorman, you little asswipe!' Cartman retaliated. A few of the children gasped and a couple of teachers too, but most people were either shocked at what Cartman had said, or looking up the word holocaust on their phones.

'Yes, unfortunately the Jewish population is on the rise and it is our responsibility to stop it… if anyone is interested, our first meeting is at my house, tonight at 5 o'clock,' everyone kept silent. 'Oh, and did I mention, there will be _free pizza!' _all of a sudden, the crowd erupted in cheers which took nearly 10 minutes to die down. At that, Cartman was escorted by Principal Victoria to his seat and on the way, she whispered into his ear 'My office, after assembly and _don't forget!_'

_At 5 o'clock in Cartman's basement…_

Crowds of people were talking, excited, but mainly for the free pizza. And by crowds, I mean big crowds, flowing out of the basement and into the rest of the house, infact at least 90% of all the elementary school students were there.

'Attention every-' Cartman was about to finish, before he was rudely interrupted by Craig. 'I'm sorry, what was that Craig?' Cartman asked

'I said, where's the free pizza?'

'YEAH!' the whole crowd shouted simultaneously.

'Oh- errrrmmmm- there is none!'

Within seconds, everyone was gone, Cartman was devastated, and on the way out, with the outgoing crowd, Token yelped 'F*ck you, man' which was clearly directed to Cartman. And the room was now empty, completely empty, except for Cartman and Butters.

'Come on Butters, we need to get to work!' Cartman tried to stay positive, that was what his psychiatrist advised him

'But, I don't wanna, I was just gonna ask if I could use your bathroom!'

'BUTTERS! YOU WILL HELP ME OR GOD HELP ME I WILL-' Cartman stopped, he almost felt a little upset for Butters, who was now, curled at the back of the chair, intimidated by Cartman and his threats.

'Aw Butters!' Cartman sighed 'let's just get to work,' he said in an almost hesitant tone. And at that, they started campaigning.

**Thanks for reading! If you have any criticisms or compliments, then feel free to review! Anyway, that's all until next chapter. XD**


	3. Does it come in Raspberry?

**First of all, thanks to everyone who followed and reviewed, it's really great to know that my hard work is really paying off, and if you haven't, don't hesitate to. Anyway, there's nothing much more to say so on with the fanfic…**

'Enlist today!' Cartman and Butters were sat outside the mall campaigning for the upcoming holocaust. They also plastered posters around town, like everywhere, cars, billboards, taxis, park benches. It would have been difficult to find a spot that wasn't postered.

Then, a large, blond man wearing lederhosen and eating a sausage waddled by.

'Hey, fatass!' Cartman yelled, although he had no right to say this,

'Me?' the fat German said, or at least attempted to say, but it was more of a muffle and he spat out a bit of sausage while doing so.

'Come here, ya dickhole!' said Cartman, motioning towards the campaigning table, which Cartman had stolen from his kitchen, Cartman's comment offended the fat German, but he waddled to the table anyway. 'How would you like to join our holocaust?!'

'Volocaust?' the fat German spat a bit of sausage on Butters' face 'vat is a volocaust?'

Cartman facepalmed 'Oh great… I'm trying to enlist the only German the only f*cking German in the f*cking world who doesn't know what the f*cking holocaust was!'

'Errrmmmm, does it come in vazberry?'the fat German asked, before once again scoffing a bit of sausage.

'W-what?' Cartman stuttered 'NO IT DOESN'T COME IN F*CKING RASPBERRY, YOU FAT ASSHOLE!' Cartman was growing impatient and the fat German was becoming a waste of his time 'listen,' Cartman sighed 'how about, you join our holocaust, and I'll buy you a bagel.'

'Hmmmmmm, vokay!' the fat German said, with a cheesy grin across his face, before leaving his details and gleefully waddling off.

Butters had now left and was walking through the town handing out flyers, he had just passed Tom's rhinoplasty and was on

'_You need me, man, I don't need you_

_You need me, man, I don't need you_

_You need me, man, I don't need you, at all_

_You need me_

_'Cause with the lyrics I'll be aiming it right_

_I won't stop 'til my name's in lights_

_At stadium heights with Damien Rice_

_On red carpets, now I'm on Arabian Nights_

_Because I'm young I know my brother's gonna give me advice_

_Long nighter, short height and I gone hyper_

_Never be anything but a singer-songwriter, yeah._

_The game's over but now I'm on a new level_

_Watch how I step on the track without a loop pedal_

_People think that I'm bound to blow up_

_I've done around about a thousand shows_

_But I haven't got a house plus I live on a couch_

_So you can be the lyrics when I'm singing them out, wow_

_From day one, I've been prepared_

_With vo5 wax for my ginger hair_

_So now I'm back to the sofa, giving a dose of what the future holds_

_'Cause it's another day_

_Plus I'll keep my last name forever keep the genre pretty basic_

_Gonna be breaking into other people's tunes when I chase it_

_And replace it with the elephant in the room with a facelift_

_Into another rapper's shoes using new laces_

_Selling CD's from my rucksack aiming for the papers_

_Selling CD's from my rucksack aiming for the majors_

_Nationwide tour with just jack, still had to get the bus back_

_Clean cut kid without a razor for the mustache_

_I hit back when the pen hurts me_

_I'm still a choir boy in a Fenchurch tee_

_I'm still the same as a year ago_

_But more people hear me though_

_According to the MySpace and YouTube videos_

_I'm always doing shows if I'm not I'm in the studio_

_Truly broke, never growing up call me Ruffio_

_Melody music maker_

_Reading all the papers_

_They say I'm up and coming like I'm fucking in an elevator ._

_'Cause you need me, man, I don't need you_

_You need me, man, I don't need you_

_You need me, man, I don't need you, at all_

_You need me, man, I don't need you_

_You need me, man, I don't need you_

_You need me, man, I don't need you_

_You need me, man, I don't need you, at all_

_You need me, man, I don't need you'_

That was when Butters forgot exactly what he was doing, dropped the flyers and walked down the path, in one hand his MP3 player, and in the other a cup of coffee that Tweek and his dad gave him for free.

Cartman on the other hand had just enlisted more people meaning that they now had Cartman, possibly Butters, the fat German and Kenny's parents who were bribed with the promise of beer.

Cartman was losing the will to go on.

**Once again I'd like to say I don't own South Park or the song on Butter's MP3. But thanks for reading and don't forget to review. THANKS FOR READING! XD**


	4. On top of the world

**I can't thank you enough for reviewing and following, it's just so cool that you're all reading this and you all want to read more, I'm sorry that the last chapter took so long, I've been really busy recently. Anyway, please keep the reviews coming and I will take any concrit and I shall start…**

'BUTTERS! WHAT THE F*CK HAVE YOU BEEN DOING?!' Cartman was incandescent with rage as he chased Butters down the school corridor

'W-w-what do ya mean Eric?' Butters stuttered as he was pushed up against the lockers

'I MEAN, WHY THE HELL DID YOU BAIL ON ME YESTERDAY?!'

'W-what…aww hamburgers!' Butters had realised what he had done to enrage Cartman so much

'YOU BETTER NOT PULL ANOTHER STUNT LIKE THAT OR I'LL HAVE YOU'RE HEAD!' Cartman was seething with rage

'OK OK!' Butters pleaded for mercy

Cartman let out a big sigh 'well, now that that's over we'll be holding another meeting at my house tonight at 5 o' clock.' Butters, not having any plans, reluctantly confirmed.

_At recess…_

'HE WHAT?!' Kyle was in utter disbelief of what he was hearing

'Yeah dude,' Stan repeated 'he's actually going through with it, he's starting his own Holocaust!'

'Not if I have anything to do with it!' of all the stupid things he's ever done, he's now setting out to execute the Jews. And Kyle knew Cartman, once he set his mind to something, he wasn't going to stop, especially not for the "Jew rat".

_At Cartman's at ten minutes past 5 o'clock…_

'Where the f*ck is that turdmuncher?!' Cartman was growing impatient and was unimpressed by Butters lateness. Then, he heard a knock at the door. 'Where the hell have y-' Cartman stopped when he saw the displeasing face of the Jew rat.

'What do you want Jewrat?!' Cartman snorted

'What the hell do you think you're doing!' Kyle let himself in, 'I know what you're up to you fat asshole, and you're not going to get away with it either' Kyle managed to stay calm and refused to act remotely like his nemesis.

'I, can't answer your gay little questions, because I have some business to take care of!' Cartman replied as he ran off.

_At Butter's house…_

Butters was sat on the sofa watching Keeping up with the Kardashians when he heard a knocking at the door.

'BUTTERS, I AM SICK OF THE SH*T YOU'RE GIVING ME RIGHT NOW!' Cartman shouted

'Well, Eric ya know what, too bad 'cause I am not just gonna do what you say anymore, I've gotta stand my ground or I'm always gonna be walked on by assholes like you!' Butters was finally standing up for himself

'Butters, just shut up and come to my place!'

'Okay' Butters said timidly.

_Back at Cartman's…_

'Okay Butters, this whole operation is going downhill, we need ideas!' Cartman was way behind schedule

'We could have a bake sale!' Butters suggested

'Butters! Don't be a pussy! We need to think big, military big!' Cartman was getting excited

'Like a bake sale with big cupcakes!' Cartman facepalmed at the mere thought

'NO! I mean like nuclear war! Or taking over the army!' Cartman was quite proud of his ideas.

That night the boys stayed up till late concocting plans so illegal, so political and so dangerous, that two eight year old boys are the last people that you'd expect to have thought it up.

_The next morning in the Synagogue…_

'… and he'll kill us all!' Kyle was explaining Cartman's plan, or atleast what he knew of it, to the rabbi

'Oh, I'm sure he's just playing, there's no way an eight year old can start his own holocaust and potentially war!'

'But you don't understand' Kyle explained 'he does this sort of thing all the time, and it always gets way out of hand, he is singlehandedly the most sacrilegious person that it's ever been my displeasure to meet!'

'Now Kyle!' the Rabbi calmed the atmosphere 'that's no way to talk about somebody else, you know that, and it's against the ninth commandment to lie!'

'But I'm not lying!' Kyle protested

'Kyle, maybe you should leave before you get too angry' the Rabbi said

Kyle mumbled something under his breath on the way out, he now had nobody that believed him. That was when he got an idea, 'Yeah, that'll teach Cartman!' exclaimed Kyle excitedly as he ran off to prepare himself and singing a song on the way home

_Cause I'm on top of the world, 'ay_

_I'm on top of the world, 'ay_

_Waiting on this for a while now_

_Paying my dues to the dirt_

_I've been waiting to smile, 'ay_

_Been holding it in for a while, 'ay_

_Take you with me if I can_

_Been dreaming of this since_ a child

_I'm on top of the world._

**I don't own that AMAZING song at the end, although I wish I did, but if you want to listen to it it's called 'On top of the world' by Imagine Dragons. Don't hesitate to review and that's just about it, so THANKS FOR READING! XD**


	5. The Heist and lemon squares

**I'm so sorry for the long wait, I've been really busy recently and travelling across the country so I've not had much of a chance to write this chapter. If you're reading this I'd like to say thanks SO much that you've been reading and a special thanks to anyone who's reviewed and followed/ favourited, anyway there's nothing else to say so on with the Fanfic...**

'Hurry up Butters!' Cartman said as he, the fat German and Kenny's parents sneakily crept up to the Military Base. Butters was lacking behind, because he had to carry all the spy equipment. As the gang snuck up to the entrance, Cartman took out a crowbar and attempted to pry open the door, but to no avail. He was panting and wheezing due to his morbid obesity and was making a lot of noise which almost sabotaged the whole plan.

'Move!' the fat German muffled, spitting a crumb of his promised bagel on to Cartman's balaclava. Cartman held his anger in and wiped it off, although he probably wouldn't have been able to throw a tantrum because he was still coughing and breathing heavily. Then, the fat German grabbed the crowbar and after one attempt, the door flung open, Cartman was shell shocked and slightly embarrassed and the fat German just bit back into his bagel.

'This way,' Cartman whispered, gesturing down the hall 'Come on!' The group edged down the hall unnoticed, they came to a turn and Cartman peered his head round the corner. 'Okay, there's two guards around that corner, Butters, you crawl through the air vent and once you're on the other side you'll distract the guards and they'll chase you-'

'B-b-but what do I do once they're chasing me?! And what do I do if they catch me?!' Butters stuttered

'I DON'T KNOW!' Cartman snapped 'I CAN'T THINK OF EVERYTHING!'

'Er-ermmmmm... okay' a reluctant Butters said as he climbed into the air vents.

'Alright, so we have to go through this quickly,' Cartman bellowed in a commando voice 'as soon as Butters distracts the guards, we'll sneak into the room that they're guarding,' Cartman gestured towards the door once we've done that, well...we'll save that for later...' the fat German and Kenny's parents looked at each other excited but also worried, they were after all, under Cartman's commands.

_In Kyle's basement..._

'Okay, this is the first gathering of the We Hate The Passion Of The Christ army- I mean club' Kyle said in a loud voice, hammering a gavel against a dining table. Kyle had about thirty adults in his basement, most of them Jewish (Kyle could tell because of their traditional Jewish Kippas) 'alright, just out of interest do any of you have any experience in war?' nobody replied, until a Jewish man sat at the back shouted, 'No! The army Commandant said that Jews can't be in the war!'

'Son of a bitch!' Kyle muttered under his breath just as his mother walked in

'What-what-what?!' Sheila muttered in disbelief 'KYLE BROFLOVSKI!' she yelled 'NEVER, EVER USE LANGUAGE LIKE THAT AGAIN!'

'But mom-'

'NO BUT'S!' Kyles mother interrupted him 'If I hear you talking like that again, you're grounded, and that means you can't hold this club here either!'

'Okay mom,' Kyle said in an embarrased voice because all of the adults were making giggling sounds, all except for Mrs.B

'That's right!' she said in a firm voice 'now do you want any lemon squares?'

'No mom,' Kyle groaned and all of the adults continued to giggle. '..._anyway _a group has been formed in order to start another holocaust!'

'What?' a few Jews shouted out as they shared confused looks

'Yes, another holocaust and because we're all Jews here, I assume that we all dissaprove of such a group and that we'd all be happy with stopping said group!' Kyle shouted, now starting to sound a bit like Cartman did.

'WAIT!' a muslim man who was sat at the back said in a very stereo-typical Saudi Arabian accent. 'So it's not about The Passion Of The Christ?!... we'll I don't give a sh*t about the Jew's so f*ck it!'he said as he stormed out of the house and nearlyknocking Sheila over as he headed out the front door.

_Back at the Military Base... _

'There it is!' Cartman squeeled in disbelief

'Jackpot!' the fat German said as he, Cartman and Kenn's parents were stood before the most magnificent aray of weaponry that they had ever seen

'Isn't it beautiful?!' Cartman screeched. At that moment, Butters came running in panting but having enough breath to scream 'They chased me back here, and they're right behind me!'

'SH*T' Cartman was angry, especially because they were running out of time 'grab as much stuff as you can and RUN!'

Cartman grabbed a couple of rifles, three handguns and a bazooka and jumped on a quad. The fat German managed to pick up the explosives trunk. Kenny's parents jumped in a plane, loaded and fully equipped with machine gun and missile launcher, which was not very safe considering they were drunk (as usual). And last but not least, Butters jumped into a tank and they all managed to shoot, fly and destroy their way out of what remained of the Military Base, although it was closer to a pile of ashes than to a building.

**Once again, I'm so sorry for the long wait and I will continue to post regularly. I ****have to say if you like this then you should check out one of my favourite fanfic authors (if you haven't already) Spikewristeddrummergirl. Also, there's a new poll on my page so check it out.**

**XD**


	6. Serious shit

**I told you that I would be updating soon! Anyway, if you're even reading this, thanks for getting this far. First, I'd like to give a shout out to my most regular reviewer... Mollanise! And also thanks to the five of you who have followed this story aswell. If you haven't already, there's a new poll on my profile and it's to decide on a new character, or if you think the characters so far are fine there's an option for that too! I do not own South Park and the fat German was just a character I made up in my head, if you think he deserves a proper name then tell me in the reviews. Anyway, on with the chapter...**

'You WHAT?!' Kyle screamed, so loud that everyone else in the schoolyard could hear him.

'You heard me, I now have an aray of military weapons, and hi-tech gear that'll blow your stupid Jewish family into smitherines!' Cartman teased, not realising he may aswell as gave Kyle a plan on how to stop him.

'Don't talk about my family fatass!' Kyle defended

'Wow, wow guys what's going on?' Stan interrupted the argument before it got out of hand.

'HE,' Kyle explained 'stole weapons of mass destruction in order to execute all the Jews!'

'Jesus Christ! Cartman!' Stan stood there in complete and utter shock, he knew Cartman was bad, and he knew that Cartman hated Jews, and he knew that Cartman did all sorts of crazy things to get his own way, but this was bad, maybe even worse than the two times that Mecha-Streisand attacked the city.

'Okay, I'll be in you dumb club,' Stan whispered to Kyle, but making sure that Cartman couldn't hear.

'Thanks,' said Kyle. Unfortunately for Stan, Cartman did hear this and thought that the comment was directed to himself,

'Haha, screw you _Kyle, _now your tree-hugger little boyfriend is on my side!' Cartman buzzed.

'Shut up Cartman! I have a girlfriend!' Stan protested, but he couldn't get his point across for Cartman had already set off, skipping down the hall.

_That night in Cartman's basement..._

Cartman was walking dow the basement stairs 'Mom, can I hold another meeting h-... Oh My God MOMMMMMM!' what Cartman saw was, in his opinion, the most horrendous thing he'd ever witnessed, although this would probably be replaced in a couple of days. What he saw was vile and dsigusting. What he saw was his mother and Mr Mackey "Parking the car".

'OH GOD MOM!' Cartman covered his eyes but he was so tempted to look 'PUT SOME CLOTHES ON!' Liane was mortified.

'Oh sorry shnookums!' apologized Mrs Cartman wrapping a sheet around herself.

'I should probably go m'kay!' Mr Mackey said embarrassed 'see ya in school, Eric'

'GET OUT!' Cartman shouted, and so Mr Mackey walked out, with Mrs Cartman close by.

That night Cartman waited for Stan... and waited... and waited. Until he finally snapped.

'Oh, so little hippie _Stan _thought it would be funny NOT to show up, well d'ya know what f*ck it, f*ck him, because with all of these weapons, who needs them?!' the rest of his _army_ were looking at him with concerned faces and thinking that he might be going crazy!

_At Kyle's house..._

'Okay, so I'd like to introduce our newest recruit, Stan' Kyle said before his army of around thirty adults.

'Hi' said Stan

'Okay, so it has come to our attention that our rival group has gone way out of hand and stole an aray of weapons from the nearby Military Base.'

'What?!' the group exchanged confused looks, especially considering the rival group was also run by a child.

'Anyway, so unless we improve our army, we stand no chance in winning this war!'

Now the adults realised something they realised how stupid this whole thing sounded, and that the leaders of the armies were children, most probably the tow boys got into an argument and now they've gone off and are plotting a war involving toy fighter jets and action figure soldiers. But it didn't matter, they wanted to stay true to their religion and if there was actually, a highly armed, morbidly obese terrorist who wanted to execcute all the Jews, then it was their responsibility to stop him.

'So what do we do?!' cried out a man at the back

'We also have to improve our army, now I have a plan, it may sound crazy, but it'll work, I guarantee.

And so, that night Kyle and his army set off to one of the largest army bases in the country, and against all odds, raided it, they managed to grab everything all of the guns, all of the ammo, all of the quads and tanks and fighter jets

And just as they were busting out of the base, Kyle muttered to himself

'This is some serious sh*t'

**Okay, that's it for this chapter, I hope you liked it. If you did, don't forget to review or follow. Remember to check out the poll on my profile and that's all for now.**


	7. Delinquents, threats and Kenny dies

**Thanks to those of you who are reviewing and especially to 'lovekyman' for her nice review the other day, keep it up guys. I was thinking of adding a new character to this fanfic and I have a poll on my profile that suggests some ideas, or if there's none you like you can suggest any ideas in the reviews. Thanks for readind, I accept any concrit and I'm stoked because even I don't know what's gonna happen next, but I guarantee it'll be AMAZING! XD **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the fat German**

**Speaking of the fat German, I was thinking of giving him a name, if you have any ideas feel free to review or if you think he doesn't need a name that's okay. XD**

'Eric!' Butters was running down the school hall and looking for Cartman, and then he saw him by his locker.

'Eric!' Butters got his attention 'Kyle made his own army and he's got like thirty adults and he raided a military base and he's planning to stop us!' Butters alerted, struggling for breath and proud of his loyalty to his army.

'Crap!' Cartman muttered 'well, thanks for telling me Butters, you did the right thing,'

'What are we gonna do Eric?!' Butters cried out

'Hmmmmm...well...we could launch an attack on their amry, but we'd lose for sure!' Cartman thought to himself.

Then Kyle walked past 'Hey guys!' Kyle greeted, although this was the first time he'd talked to Cartman in quite a while.

'Hey Kyle!' said Butters. Then the bell went for homeroom.

'See ya!' Kyle said as he caught up with Stan and Kenny to walk into class with them.

'Butters! What are you doing?!' Cartman pulled Butters close, so Kyle wouldn't hear 'we can't talk to _him, _he's the leader of our enemy army!'

'B-but' Butters was lost for words because Kyle was one of his best friends 'okay' he sighed

'Good' Cartman nodded 'now we're having another meeting tonight but this time at raisins.

'OOH! Maybe I'll see Lexus there' Butters squealed like a little girl

'BUTTERS! Take a hint...' Cartman leaned in close so that this next part would hurt '...LEXUS DOESN'T LIKE YOU!'

'B-but' Butters was speechless, this was heart-breaking, all the gifts he gave her, he even got grounded for maxing out his dad's credit card. Cartman saw the tears swelling up in his eyes and thought that he wasn't going to show up.

'Butters,' Cartman sighed 'I'm sorry for screaming at you like that, if you want then we can hold the meeting somewhere else!'

'No!' Butters mumbled, 'I'll show that skank!' Butters said with an evil look in his eye, this brought Cartman pleasure and he was excited to see what Butters was going to do.

_A few minutes later, in homeroom..._

Token was flying a paper airplane, Kevin and Clyde were playing football*, the girls were sat gossiping at the back of the room, Kenny was dead in the corner, Tweek was running around and screaming about undrepants gnomes, Craig was trying to calm him down, Kenny's corpse statred to attract mice, the goth kids were slitting their wrists, Damien set Pip on fire, Pip was screaming, Timmy fell from his wheelchair, the mice were eating Kenny's corpse, Jimmy was telling his terrible jokes, Stan was shouting 'they killed Kenny', Kyle was shouting 'those b*stards!', the rats had finished eating Kenny, Pip found some water and put himself out, Damien set him on fire again and those kids in the background that you never really notice were setting up a prank to kill the teacher.

'Alright class, calm down!' said Mr Garrison, however the kids continued to wreack havoc. 'CLASS, I said calm down!' but, as expected they carried on 'SHUT THE F*CK UP YA LITTLE PUNKS BEFORE I BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF YA!' screamed Mr Garrison holding up a little handgun, this got everyones attention as they sat at their desks in dead silence (except for Kenny of course) even the mice stayed quiet at the threat.

Suddenly, Mr Mackey walked through the door holding Cartman and Butters by the collar, 'I found these two delinquants wandering around the halls!...M-kay' he said in a strict tone.

'Delinquants?' Cartman whispered to Butters

'Well boys I'm afraid I'm going to have to call your mothers and tell them,'

'B-b-but my p-parents they'll ground me!' Butters pleaded

'Well you should have thought of that before you decided to break the rules... m-kay!' shouted Mr Mackey.

'Okay Mr Mackey, I'll take care of these!' said Mr Garrison

'Oh, and Mr Garrison, is that a 10mm glock on your desk m-kay?!'

'Errr, no' Mr Garrison replied, clearly slipping the gun into his pocket.

Mr Mackey walked out of the room with a discerning look on his face.

Then a new, and alive, Kenny walked through the door , but the trap that the background kids set, went off and Kenny was whacked with a rusty air conditioner and went flying through the window onto some rusty nails from woodshop.

* I'm from the UK so to any USA readers, by football I mean soccer

**Thanks for reading, I'm sorry for the wait but I won't give up on this fanfic 'til the very end! **

**XD**


	8. Spies and sluts but no Macdonalds fries

**Yay, Chapter 8 has arrived, it feels like ages since I started this fanfic, I can't even remember what happened in the first couple of chapters! But this fanfic will go on... **

**A special shout out to:**

**- SpikeWristedDrummerGirl**

**- Mollanise**

**- lovekyman**

**Thanks to all three of you, I live for those reviews (and other things) so keep it up!**

'Ahhhhhh, Raisins!' Cartman said as he burst through the doors of the resturaunt 'like Hooters, only younger, sluttier girls' he chuckled like a little school girl as he looked over to a raisins girl giving a boy a lap dance. Butters entered shortly after Cartman and definitely making an entrance. He strode in, tall and proud (because he was on stilts), and to Cartman's shock, he actually looked good, he wore a stylish Ralph Lauren polo and some Old Navy jeans. His hair was combed over and he topped it all off with his Ray-Bans aviator sunglasses.

And of course this attracted the attention of Lexus.

'Haha, typical,' Butters laughed as the slutty, gold-digger walked over to him.

'Heyyyyyyyy Butterrrrrssss!' Lexus walked over in what Butters found to be a pathetic attempt to seduce him. Slowly, she catwalked around him until she stopped and sat on his lap. 'So,' she spoke softly, whispering into his ear 'I haven't seen you in a while,' she croaked, holding onto the last note.

'Yeah, infact I recall that the last time we met, you left me with my heart in my mouth' Butters grunted.

'Oh, sorry baby, I just don't know what got over me, but you still love me, don't you!'

'Oh God, this is worse than f*cking High School Musical 3!' Cartman complained 'just take my order, ya slutty hoe!'

'Hmff' Lexus grunted as she was interrupted. She walked over to Cartman, although she'd much rather of stayed with Butters.

'And what can I get _you!_'

'Well, let's see... I'll have 3 cheeseburgers, without the lettuce and tomato, and 2 portions of nachos but without the peppers in the salsa, 5 chicken and bacon salads, without the salad, 7 chocolate milkshakes, a pile of pancakes, a large bowl of chocolate ice cream.' Cartman stopped for a breath 'a tex-mex for 5 people, double chocolate chip peanut butter cookies...' this long list of food went on for another 10 minutes ' a BLT without the LT, a chicken wrap without the wrap, mayonaise or lettuce, a skewer of marshmallows coated in chocolate and a 4lbs serving or jelly beans'

'And will there be anything else?!' Lexus asked although she had to stop writing and get someone else to write down half of the order for her because her hand hurt.

'Errrrmmmm, OH! How could I forget, a bucket of KFC with extra gravy and a side of Macdonalds fries!' Cartman added. Lexus feared the thought of having to carry all of that stuff but she knew if she completed this order then she might get a promotion to head slut.

'Okay guys I'll have your food soon!'

'Shut up bitch and make the f*cking food!' Cartman called out 'Alright so I think that we should get a spy on Kyle's side so we can see what that little jewrat is up to...' the others nodded but all were asking who will be the spy.

'Alright, so do we have any volunteers?' Cartman asked. Nobody volunteered. Cartman sighed, 'Okay, so do we know anyone that will make a good spy?'

'Well, our little Kenny could be a spy!' Kenny's parents suggested

'THAT'S PERFECT!' cheered Cartman 'an immortal spy!' Kenny's parents grinned at their good idea, especially because so far, they had been no asset to the group so far.

'So, Mr and Mrs McCormick' said Cartman 'I'll need to speak to Kenny about his mission, with your consent I wish to have him spy on Kyle's army, find out anything that may be of use to us, maybe steal a few weapons, and report back to us with his findings.'

'Sure' replied Kenny's parents, not caring about the safety of their child 'but only if you give us beer!'

'Heyy Butterrrrrssss!' greeted Lexus 'and friends,' she mumbled.

'Heyy Lexus!' said Butters

'So I have all your orders!' Lexus said placing them on the table bending over right infront of Butters. Because of Cartman's large order (and stomach) some security guards had to bring over some more tables just for all the food.

'Alright!' cheered Cartman 'WAIT, where's my Macdonalds fries?!'

'Macdonalds fries?' questioned Lexus

'YEAH MY MACDONALDS FRIES, BITCH, WHERE ARE THEY?!'

'You didn't order any' said Lexus

'OF COURSE I DID BITCH, I CAN'T HAVE F*CKING KFC GRAVY WITHOUT MY F*CKING MACDONALDS FRIES! WHAT DID YOU THINK, OH IT'LL BE FUNNY TO NOT GIVE THE FAT KID HIS MACDONALDS FRIES?! WELL I'VE GOT SOMETHING FOR YOU BITCH!' screamed Cartman before punching Lexus in the nose.

'Yeah!' said Butters before pouring 2 glasses of chocolate milkshake onto Lexus, who was now bleeding on the floor with smelly milky clothes.

And let's just say that the two were seen being carried out of the resturant and Butters was grounded for a month.

**YAY! I am quite proud of that Chapter, anyway don't forget to review, follow or even favourite and Chapter 9 is coming soon!**


	9. Suck my balls!

**Yay, Chapter 9 is here already, and a lot is happening... all my friends are having their birthdays around now and so am I (Friday) so I need to keep my head in gear. So far I've received a ton of reviews and follows and favourites, so thanks to all of you who have done so and kepp it up, I love it. Anyway, there's nothing more to be said so on with the fanfic...**

_Monday morning..._

'Hey fellahs,' Butters sighed as he walked into school,

'Butters, what's wrong?' asked Kyle

'My stupid parents grounded me,' complained Butters

'Oh this must be because of what happened on Friday!' Kyle whispered to Stan. Over the weekend, word of what happened in raisins had spread across South Park, thanks to a little gossiping she-devil known as Wendy Testaburger.

'What did he say to you?' Butters asked

'Oh...ermm...nothing' Kyle said suspiciously 'don't let it get you down Butters, what you did was awesome, Lexus was a skank anyway'

'Yeah, a hot skank!' muffled Kenny

'SHUT UP!' hissed Stan

_In homeroom..._

'Psst! Butters! Hey! Butters! Psst!' Cartman pestered Butters until Butters finally gave in.

'What, Eric?' Butters groaned

'Dude, you are awesome everybody's talking about what we did on Friday... and pouring those milkshakes on her head, PRICELESS!'

'*cough* Eric, would you like to come up and share your little discussion with the rest of the class?!' snapped Mr Garrison, holding his gun up to Cartman's head. Cartman shook his head.

'Well then, may we continue, or do you want to hold us up even further?'

Cartman didn't say anything, but Mr Garrison continued anyway.

'So Butters, we're holding another meeting at my place, be sure to be there!' said Cartman

'B-but I'm grounded Eric, and i-if my mom and dad find out that I've snuck out, they'll probably ground me for life!' stuttered Butters

Cartman goraned 'Fine, but make sure you come to our next meeting!'

'B-but-'

'No buts, you're coming, NO MATTER WHAT!' Cartman interrupted.

'Okay' Butters said regretfully

'Good!' said Cartman

'_ERIC CARTMAN!_ Need I remind you of the school rules?!' bellowed Mr Garrison

'Suck my balls Mr Garrison!' Cartman replied

Mr Garrison gasped 'What did you just say Eric?!'

'Suck...my..._balls_!' said Cartman

'ERIC, GO TO PRINCIPAL VICTORIA'S OFFICE AT ONCE!' Cartman groaned and sulked for a second, before he reluctantly got up and as slowly as he possibly could, baby-stepped to the principal's office and hopped into the waiting room chair.

'So just me and you again Irene?' said Cartman

'I'm afraid so Eric, what was it this time?' asked Irene

'_Nothing!_' Cartman lied 'the teacher is such a freak!'

'Well we all know Mr Garrison's a freak Eric, but I doubt he'd send you here for no reason!' she reasoned. Just then a kid walked out of the Principal's office and Cartman knew he'd be in serious trouble.

'Eric Cartman! We've received another complaint of your teacher saying that you've insulted him again, that's the fourth time this month!'

'Wow, that's a new record!'

'Eric Cartman! Due to your behaviour we've had to call your mother and ask her to come in!' said Pricipal Victoria. Just as she muttered that last word, Miss. Cartman walked in.

'How the f*ck did you get here so fast?!'

'ERIC CARTMAN!' screeched Principal Victoria, her voice sounding worse than that time when the school went bankrupt and couldn't afford chalk and had to scrape a rusty nail against the chalkboard. Anyway, it sounded bad.

'Miss Cartman, are you aware that your son has insulted his teacher for the fourth time this month?' asked the strict principal.

'Oh, but my little Eric would _never_ do anything like that!' said Miss Cartman

'Hmm, yes, of course...' Principal Victoria was shellshocked at how Miss Cartman was unaware of Cartman's horrid behaviour, despite the fact that this was far from their first _talk_ about Cartman.

'Miss Cartman, your son's behaviour is worse than ever before, he is disrespecting teachers, disrupting other students and simply has no idea that his behaviour is completely unacceptable, we have no choice other than to suspend him for a week'

'WOOHOO! NO SCHOOL FOR A WEEK... YEAH!' Cartman buzzed as he burst out of the room

'Oh... well... couldn't we just start with a formal warning?' Miss Cartman asked

'_Start?!_' Principal Victoria uttered in complete disbelief 'Miss Cartman I'm afraid your son has received _many_ formal warnings and his behaviour is getting out of hand, he needs to be punished so that he can realise that his behaviour is _bad._'

'Well what will be the consequences of his suspension?' Miss Cartman asked

'Well, your son will have to stay at home for a week, he cannot set foot on school grounds, cannot attend any school activites and, at the end of the week will have to catch up on any schoolwork that he has missed out on, of course it's none of my business but I recommend that he is given some work to do at home aswell as chores and that he is not given any priveleges such as game consoles, iPads, iPods and iPhones.' said Principal Victoria

'Oh... well I suppose that's okay' said Miss Cartman

'Good,' agreed Principal Victoria 'I'll have one of his classmates drop off his homework each day and I'll expect it to be finifhed by the end of the week of his suspension.'

'Oh, well I don't think he's going to like that!'

**And that was Chapter 9, I'm so happy that this fanfic has took off and that people are reading it. Just keep reading, reviewing and following and thanks for reading. Chapter 10 is on its way! XD**


	10. No relation to Ghostbusters

**Chapter 10 is here! SO SORRY ABOUT THE WAIT, I've been REALLY busy over the summer holidays I'm so excited, I'm loving this fanfic and despite the fact I've lost readers I'm so happy with it and I'm thankful for all you who have read, especially:**

**- Spikewristeddrummergirl**

**- lovekyman**

**- Mollanise**

**- and all the anonymous reviewers!**

**Anyway, thanks to all of you who have been reading, I REALLY hope you've enjoyed it so far and I can ensure you that I'm not giving up on it for a LONG time. **

_Saturday morning..._

'WHAT?! I HAVE F*CKING HOMEWORK WHEN I'M SUSPENDED?!' Cartman was furious.

'Yes honey, I'm afraid that's what your principal ordered' said his mother

'Screw that bitch, I ain't doin' sh*t!' replied Cartman in a very African- American accent , unfortunately for Principal Victoria, this was Cartman's idea of compromising; hearing the other persons opinion and then saying his solution without taking what the other person had to say into account. And sometimes without that first part.

Miss Cartman sighed 'Okay honey...'

_At Kyle's house..._

'BANG BANG BANG!' Stan knocked on the front door

'Hey, what is it?' Kyle asked

'WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHAT IS IT?' Stan asked as if he thought Kyle had lost his mind 'HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?! Butters won't be able to see Cartman except after school and that means there'll be less holocaust meetings so all those weapons will just be laying around!'

'Dude, it's the weekend and you woke me up at seven in the morning to state the obvious...f*ck you!' Kyle moaned as he slammed the door in Stan's face.

_And back to Cartman's house again..._

'Okay, today is Saturday so that means Kyle will be at his stupid Jew church so we can be a step ahead of him' Cartman began 'now, firstly I've been suspended from school so to tell you about further meetings and other things I'll be making a facebook group which aswell as advertising our group, it'll allow us to keep in contact with eachother, so that means we'll have to come up with a cool name!'

'Oh, I know, I know' Butters yelped

'Yes Butters'

'How about... the fluffy bunnies?!'

'Butters, don't be a fag' Cartman sighed

'What about the hot dogs?!' suggested the fat german

'NO!' screamed Cartman 'we need something that stands out and catches people's attention whilst also expressing out hatred for the Jews!'

'Well actually I don't mind the Jews and you were the one who made me-' Butters started before he was interrupted.

'SHUT UP BUTTERS!' Cartman snapped. Then he gasped, he had thought of an excellent name and he thought is was if he had received an epiphany from the Lord, the most badass, Jew-hating name he could think of...

'THE JEWBUSTERS!'

'The Jewbusters?' Butters asked

'Yes Butters, the Jewbusters it's such a great name it's as if I received an epiphany-' Well you see where this is going.

'Great!' Cartman grinned 'now we have a name! So our next order of business is that I think that the Jewrat is planning something, he's been very solitary and him and Stan have been very sneaky, I'm sure they're plotting something and we need to send Kenny in now to find out what is is!'

_And back to Kyle's house AGAIN and I'm getting sick and tired of having to pan to the next house..._

Kyle was laying on his bed on his phone, it was now one in the afternoon and he had gotten up but Stan had refused to go back to Kyle's house so he just decided to call him.

'So what are we gonna do about all of Cartman's weapons?!' Stan asked

'I don't know I thought you knew!' Kyle sighed. Typical.

'We could send in a mole' Stan suggested

'Like who?' Kyle asked

'Errmm, well we could try and persuade Butters, he's an idiot.'

'But it's too risky, if Cartman finds out or if Butter's tells him then that's it game over and we'd have no other leads.' Kyle corrected

'Why don't we just attack him now, his army is all disbanded!' Stan suggested

'Yeah but we don't know if they're plotting anything... wait... I know what we could do, it's a perfect idea, why didn't we think of it before, we simply have too-'

**Okay guy's that's it for this Chapter, thanks for waiting and keep on reading because I'll be posting another Chapter very soon, and tell me if you liked the ending. Don't hesitate to review and keep your eyes out for Chapter 11. Review about what you think Kyle's 'perfect idea' is and there's going to be a competition in the next Chapter and that's all for now so. **

**BYE!**


	11. The Jew that got away

**Chapter 11 is here, I told you I'd be updating soon. Anyway, I've been reading some fanfiction and there's this really good one which has reached Chapter 4 but only has 3 reviews and so I promised the writer I'd mention her Fanfic called South Park: Another and I'm not going to ruin the plot for you but it's really good and you should check it out! **

'I know what we can do!' Exclaimed Kyle, gleefully jumping up and down on his bed, as if in a trance, just when his dad walks in.

'Kyle, you're not on drugs are you?' Gerald Broflovski asked concerned

'No dad!' Kyle answered 'Why are you even here?'

'Oh, errmmm, wait I know this one, errmmm ,well, errrr... I forgot!'

'Get out!' Kyle screamed

'Okay Mr _Moody Pants_!' said Gerald making his way out 'Just don't do drugs, me ad your mother can tell you first hand-'

Kyle slammed the door before his dad could finish, still on the phone to Stan.

'What, Kyle- what's your great idea!' Stan anticipated.

'We could shoot Cartman!' Kyle buzzed

'Jesus Christ Kyle!' Stan was shocked, he never knew his friend could go that far.

'What, you know we should!' said Kyle 'He's always ripping on people and insulting people and it's not right. He's just a waste of space, the only person who likes him is his mom and we'd be making the world a better place!'

'Yeah but... well... we can't because... eh I got nothing' Stan mumbled as he knew Kyle was right. 'But when...how?!'

While the two boys chattered away, they had no idea that Cartman had rigged all of the phones, and mobile phones in the Broflovski house and was tracing their call.

'So, at midnight tonight, outside Cartman's house we're gonna snipe him?!'

'Yeah, don't worry, I've had rifle lessons, this'll be a piece of cake!'

At that moment Kyle's mom Sheila burst in.

'Kyle, honey have you been doing drugs?!'

'GET OUT!' shouted Kyle.

_On the 'Jewbusters' Facebook Group..._

**Eric Cartman:**

So Butters, apparently the Jewrat is planning to kill me, I'm going to need your help in stopping him, I'm thinking we stakeout in my room and shoot them when they come.

**Butters Stotch:**

Well, I don't think that's such a great idea Eric, plus my parents grounded me, I'm not even supposed to be on Facebook.

**Eric Cartman:**

Butters do you want me to be fucking killed! And if you've went against your parents to go on Facebook then you've already gone against your parents and therefore have nothing to lose!

**Butters Stotch:**

Well, I suppose you're right.

**Eric Cartman:**

Great! The Jewrat is planning on shooting me at midnight, so meet me at my house at 11 o'clock. AND BRING SNACKS!

_At 11 o'clock at Cartman's house..._

Butters stood at Cartman's front door with a pillowcase flung over his shoulder full of Doritos and Reece's Bars and a Tubberware tub full of the Marshmallow pieces in Lucky Charms. He knocked on the door.

'MOM GET THE FRONT DOOR!' could be heard from inside. Cartman's mo opened the door.

'Oh, you must be Eric's friend, he's in his room, it's right at the end of the hall'

'Err, thanks Miss Cartman!' said Butters as he made his way up to Cartman's room.

'Hey Eric, I brought snacks, just like you told me to!' said Butters as he burst into Cartman's room.

'Good job Butters,' muttered Cartman as he dramatically looked out of the window 'all we have to do now is wait.'

Cartman opened up his toy chest where he picked up some long distance rifles, an assault shield and his best friend/ favourite toy, Clyde Frog.

'Oh, Eric you're so brave' said Clyde frog (which was just Cartman putting on a voice)

'I know Clyde frog, but it has to be done' Cartman slowly opened a bag of his favourite snack, Cheesy Poofs and proceeded to eat them.

'Err Eric?' Butters said awkwardly, although he was seriously trying not to burst out laughing.

'Shut up BUTTERS!' screamed Cartman just as Kyle and Stan appeared over the horizon, armed and ready.

'TAKE COVER BUTTERS!' whispered Cartman, we don't want them to know what we're up to. Cartman passed Butters all of the weaponry and ammo as he could carry.

'Okay Butters,' said Cartman, watching Kyle and Stan making sure he couldn't be seen 'on the count of three, we shoot... 1... 2... 3!' screamed Cartman jumping up.

'What's that?' asked Stan peering into Cartman's window

'I think it's Cartman, and he's got a gun...HE'S GOT A GUN!' panicked Kyle

'RUN!' bellowed Stan. Luckily for the two of them, Cartman and Butters were not very good shots.

'Dammit Butters, the Jewrat got away!' complained Cartman.

Just past the horizon, Kyle and Stan were panting heavily.

'JESUS CHRIST!' said Stan

'I guess Cartman's more organised than we thought!'

**Thanks for reading! Remember to review and to enter my competition, you can enter by PMing or reviewing and I'll be updating soon, KEEP ON FANFICTIONING!**


	12. The Spy who loved Stan

**Chapter 12 is here and if you're reading this then thanks for doing so. **

**At the end of this chapter I will be writing in 3 new characters and you get to decide who becomes a new character, and if you have took the time to read the bold writing then I'll let you know that only 2 of the 3 characters are OP's ('DUN DUN DUN'). To vote for which character you want to stay then you'll have to review. After what I put in the last chapter, I'm now going to start naming a good fanfic at the end of my chapters, these are completely my opinion and if I've named yours and you want me to take it down then I will. Recently I've noticed I haven't been receiving as many reviews as before so if there's any suggestions you guys want to make then just tell me and all of you opinions will be taking into account. And now, on with the fanfiction...**

'What are we going to do?' Kyle asked

'I dunno, I'm still wondering how Cartman knew we were coming?' said Stan, oblivious to how cunning Cartman is. The two boys were stood in Stan's living room, playing guitar hero not needing to concentrate too much on the game since they had beat one million points. And in despite of the fact they wern't concentrating on the game all that much, they managed to hit all the right keys in perfect timing. Then Stan's sister came walking in,

'GIVE ME THE REMOTE TURDS!' shouted Shelly

'No, we're playing our game!' protested Stan

'I WANT TO WATCH FRIENDS SO GIVE ME THE REMOTE!' Shelly screamed in a fit of rage, slurring each loud word through her hidious braces. Stan, now intimidated by his sister and remembering how she used to beat him when he was eight, reluctantly changed over the TV from XBox to TiVo. Stan and Kyle walked upstairs to discuss how to deal with Cartman.

'So like I said before, how did Cartman know we were coming?' Stan asked

'I dunno. It's as if he was spying on us!' Kyle was thinking hard.

'THAT'S IT!' he chirped up.

'What's it?!' asked Stan

'A spy! We could get someone to infiltrate Cartman's army and tell us everything they know!'

'But who? How?' Stan had so many doubts about this, especially after what happened the night before.

'Well I have an uncle in the FBI, maybe he can help!' Kyle suggested

'But what if they get caught, Cartman will kill them!'

'Relax, Stan! They're highly trained FBI agents they're trained to be sneaky and evasive and not to be found out!' Kyle reassures

'Yeah, but remember when we underestimated Cartman yesterday, and remember how we nearly got our asses blew off!' said Stan

'Well, it's worth a shot right?!'

_And so that night..._

'...and that's why we need a secret agent to infiltrate Cartman's side and report back to us.'

'I see,' said Kyle's uncle 'I'm sorry Kyle but these are highly intelligent respected secret agents, we can't have them playing with you and your friends and not after we were robbed of our weapons the other month, plus their reputations will... they'll... JUST NO.'

'Please Uncle Murrey! We need to!' Kyle begged

'I'm sorry Kyle but it's out of my hands!' Murrey sighed as he walked away

'Wow, your Uncle Murrey never struck me as the army captain type!' said Stan

'That's not the _point_!' winged Kyle 'What are we going to do!'

'Well there's nothing we can do!' said Stan, hoping that Kyle wasn't going to attempt something stupid that could get them killed or arrested, but unfortunately for him this was exactly what Kyle was thinking.

'Of course there's something we can do!' mumbled Kyle walking down the halls of the military base with Stan in tow, 'alright so we're looking for where we might be able to find a spy,' said Kyle reading the plaques on the doors of each room he passed.

'Dorms, dorms, dorms, science lab, military themed movie set, ahhh here we go, request a spy room!' Kyle said, thinking himself lucky nothing bad had happened yet.

'Wait, it's locked' complained Stan

'Bitch, please I got this' Kyle said trying to act cool

'What did you just call me?' said Stan

'Nothing.' an intimidated Kyle said as he walked over to the keypad, _1...2...3...5 _Kyle typed into the keypad as the door slowly opened in a very cliché sci-fi film manor.

'Wow, dude how did you gusee that so fast?!' asked Stan

'It's the passcode to my Uncle Murrey's iPod,' said Kyle as the two boys walked in. The room was plain white all over, white walls, white floors, white roof, white door and in the centre of the room two white chairs.

'This is it?' mumbled Kyle

'Wait, Kyle look over there!' said Stan pointing to a screen on the wall.

'Welcome, please request an agent, please request an agent, please request an agent' the screen kept repeating that same phrase until Kyle tapped the start button on the screen. A list of spies came up on the screen each with a photo and their own little profile. But Kyle noticed that all of these agents were his age. Kyle skimmed each one making sure he got the best of the best.

BLACKTHORN, LOGAN

Gender: Male

Age: 10

Previously lived and worked in the UK on overseas missions in MI6, resourceful and usually successful he has a 99% mission success rate...

The profile went on but Kyle wasn't going to read it all

ALLESANDRO, VALENTINA

Gender: Female

Age: 11

Previously worked for the Italian government and known as 'The Village Sweetheart' back in Italy, she's much stronger than she looks and often succeeds in her missions, she's fluent in both English and Italian and she...

Once again, Kyle didn't bother reading the whole profile although he was slightly attracted to her which made him carry on reading, just when he came across a similar name which took him by surprise

TESTABURGER, WENDY

Gender: Female

Age: 10

Often taking on the persona of an inncoent schoolgirl, she never fails to impress, highly intelligent and extremely evasive her alias could fool just about anyone, living in the small Colorado town of South Park, she is used to both terrestrial and extraterrestrial behaviour and many other strange occurences...

Stan was taken aback by what he had just seen

'I'm dating a spy?!

**Thanks for reading! Don't forget to review and vote for which character you think should be a main character and I'll be updating soon. And my fanfic of the chapter is South Park Demonic Talk Show. **


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